It began with a feeling. I witnessed a number of coach-player interactions that just didn’t feel right. They were attempts at humor using sarcasm. Maybe it is because I am not naturally funny and humor is not part of my coaching personality. Honestly, when I try to be funny, it never goes well. Nobody laughs or someone takes my comment the wrong way. I am especially inept at using sarcasm even around my friends. Maybe that is why the use of sarcasm to communicate with an athlete just didn't feel right to me.
Intuitively, I knew that sarcasm in a coaching environment could be detrimental, after all, by it’s very nature the speaker is saying something that is not true. What does that do to the trust that a player has for a coach? I think most would agree that communication is FOUNDATIONAL to coaching and to building trust in the coach-player relationship. Making false statements to get a reaction could not possibly build this relationship. Here is the definition of sarcasm from an online dictionary:
Intuitively, I knew that sarcasm in a coaching environment could be detrimental, after all, by it’s very nature the speaker is saying something that is not true. What does that do to the trust that a player has for a coach? I think most would agree that communication is FOUNDATIONAL to coaching and to building trust in the coach-player relationship. Making false statements to get a reaction could not possibly build this relationship. Here is the definition of sarcasm from an online dictionary:
1: a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain
During my research on sarcasm, I found multiple references to the complexity of this form of communication. It’s complicated…It’s complex…It’s problematic. Sarcasm is all of these things. When we think about the foundational nature of communication in building the coach-player relationship, there is no question that highly complex and intricate forms of speech can complicate things.
I was also really surprised to see some strong labels in the research around sarcasm. Sarcastic language is described as "verbal aggression" and the person receiving the sarcastic comment is termed a “victim”. As coaches we would never want our players to be the victim of any aggression, much less the communication method that we willingly choose.
I think there are 4 main reasons to avoid using sarcastic language as a coach:
1. Loss of Trust
2. Indirect Form of Criticism
3. Too Much Room for Misinterpretation
4. Team Members Become Guarded
1. Loss of Trust
By definition sarcasm uses the opposite of the truth to elicit a dramatic reaction. This can make it very difficult for players to know when you are actually praising them. Every time you provide feedback they have to ask themselves if you are being sincere or whether you are being sarcastic in order to be funny or get a reaction.
2. Indirect Form of Criticism
Sarcasm in relationships is often described as “passive-aggressive” communication or a more polite way to criticize someone. With our athletes, clear, direct communication is critical for understanding and sarcasm does not promote that clarity when we are providing feedback. It is also important to remember that the indirect nature of sarcasm also means that it is incredibly inefficient. When receiving a sarcastic comment, the listener, or victim, begins to engage in a fairly complex process:
1. Hear the literal meaning (the actual words that are spoken)
2. Realize that the comment unexpectedly contradicts with the facts (the words they hear don't make sense based on the performance/outcome)
3.Replace the literal meaning of the comment with a non-literal meaning (target of sarcasm must use the opposite of the words that were spoken to understand what the intended feedback was)
3. Too Much Room for Misinterpretation
Based on the process described in #2 above, there are multiple areas where sarcastic feedback could be misinterpreted. What if the player only hears the literal meaning and doesn’t realize you are being sarcastic? Or what if they don’t have enough time before the next repetition to analyze your feedback and realize that the comment was meant to be sarcastic? What if the athlete replaces the literal meaning with a non-literal meaning that is different than what the coach intended? Just reading a description of that process is probably confusing, so imagine what it does to a player who is expecting clear, concise performance feedback! Coach-player communication should be rapid, clear, and efficiency. Sarcasm is the opposite: slow and vague.
4. Team Members Become Guarded
We have talked about the use of sarcasm as a method for feedback, but the last reason to avoid sarcastic language extends to other forms of athlete communication. Even at team dinners or off-field interactions of any kind, the use of sarcasm can cause team members to become guarded so they are not the next target or victim of the next sarcastic comment. When players become guarded and do whatever they can to avoid being vulnerable to a verbal attack it is extremely problematic. This is especially true when viewed through the lens of building a strong culture. In Daniel Coyle’s book “The Culture Code”, the author asserts that “group performance depends on behavior that communicates one powerful, overarching idea – we are safe and connected.” The feeling of safety quickly evaporates in environments that use sarcasm, when there is a victim of sarcastic language, and coaches use targeted comments that cut down players with potentially painful humor.
Communication is a foundational principle in coaching. I hope this article will help you be more aware of the dangers of using sarcasm in a coaching environment and also allow you to recognize when coaches around you are using this toxic form of humor or feedback. Let’s choose a different communication method and create a better learning environment for our players.
I was also really surprised to see some strong labels in the research around sarcasm. Sarcastic language is described as "verbal aggression" and the person receiving the sarcastic comment is termed a “victim”. As coaches we would never want our players to be the victim of any aggression, much less the communication method that we willingly choose.
I think there are 4 main reasons to avoid using sarcastic language as a coach:
1. Loss of Trust
2. Indirect Form of Criticism
3. Too Much Room for Misinterpretation
4. Team Members Become Guarded
1. Loss of Trust
By definition sarcasm uses the opposite of the truth to elicit a dramatic reaction. This can make it very difficult for players to know when you are actually praising them. Every time you provide feedback they have to ask themselves if you are being sincere or whether you are being sarcastic in order to be funny or get a reaction.
2. Indirect Form of Criticism
Sarcasm in relationships is often described as “passive-aggressive” communication or a more polite way to criticize someone. With our athletes, clear, direct communication is critical for understanding and sarcasm does not promote that clarity when we are providing feedback. It is also important to remember that the indirect nature of sarcasm also means that it is incredibly inefficient. When receiving a sarcastic comment, the listener, or victim, begins to engage in a fairly complex process:
1. Hear the literal meaning (the actual words that are spoken)
2. Realize that the comment unexpectedly contradicts with the facts (the words they hear don't make sense based on the performance/outcome)
3.Replace the literal meaning of the comment with a non-literal meaning (target of sarcasm must use the opposite of the words that were spoken to understand what the intended feedback was)
3. Too Much Room for Misinterpretation
Based on the process described in #2 above, there are multiple areas where sarcastic feedback could be misinterpreted. What if the player only hears the literal meaning and doesn’t realize you are being sarcastic? Or what if they don’t have enough time before the next repetition to analyze your feedback and realize that the comment was meant to be sarcastic? What if the athlete replaces the literal meaning with a non-literal meaning that is different than what the coach intended? Just reading a description of that process is probably confusing, so imagine what it does to a player who is expecting clear, concise performance feedback! Coach-player communication should be rapid, clear, and efficiency. Sarcasm is the opposite: slow and vague.
4. Team Members Become Guarded
We have talked about the use of sarcasm as a method for feedback, but the last reason to avoid sarcastic language extends to other forms of athlete communication. Even at team dinners or off-field interactions of any kind, the use of sarcasm can cause team members to become guarded so they are not the next target or victim of the next sarcastic comment. When players become guarded and do whatever they can to avoid being vulnerable to a verbal attack it is extremely problematic. This is especially true when viewed through the lens of building a strong culture. In Daniel Coyle’s book “The Culture Code”, the author asserts that “group performance depends on behavior that communicates one powerful, overarching idea – we are safe and connected.” The feeling of safety quickly evaporates in environments that use sarcasm, when there is a victim of sarcastic language, and coaches use targeted comments that cut down players with potentially painful humor.
Communication is a foundational principle in coaching. I hope this article will help you be more aware of the dangers of using sarcasm in a coaching environment and also allow you to recognize when coaches around you are using this toxic form of humor or feedback. Let’s choose a different communication method and create a better learning environment for our players.
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